#funny hate people shirt
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wasnt going to put it in the tags of that person's post but i fully believe clark kent will have the angriest hatefuck of his life with santa claus btw
#theres panels justifying this on my phone somewhere but just trust me#like clark is FIRM in believing everyone deserves privacy and he doesnt abuse his powers vs santa's mass surveillance and judgement#also i can imagine a bitter 'i can do this better' thing from both of them in the going around the world thing and power/capabilities#the hatefuck is because it's funny when people hate each other and fuck. also fat man with grey hair and a beard can be hot if it wasnt for#the whole christmas thing santa is associated and tied into#i remember a santa bowling game where he wore hawaiian shirts and shorts and how as a kid i was a lil 👀#<- unrelated to this i just like oversharing <3#ransom note
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one of my favorite "out of the norm for fanon monoma" monoma headcannons is that he CANNOT flirt. at all.
a lot of people look at sly or cocky characters as absolute rizz gods which is fair most the time but we never actually see monoma flirt with anyone.
I think he knows how to be mean/annoying to an extraordinary level but just cannot flirt or give good compliments for the life of him.
my best canon example of this is that one time kendo was getting ready for that beauty pageant and monoma saw her and basically was like "lmao you actually look nice for someone who's so violent" (he had to verbally clarify that that was a compliment)
i also think he can't handle being flirted with or being given compliments. mostly because i like the idea of this asshole who is normally really smart with his words go like "uuhhh emr uhm errm erm uh ahahah uhhhh thanks hhhhahhahahahahhah uhhmmmm" but also because he probably doesn't get genuinely complimented a lot.
#monoma#monoma neito#neito monoma#maybe i just like the idea of flustered monoma idk#he flirts by being mean#he thought he could handle being flirted with by girls but it turns out hes just gay#i bet you his hands get really sweaty when he nervous too#he will refuse to touch people when hes nervous bc hes scared they will be like#“oh ew ur hands are so fucking sweaty jesus christ”#bro out here wiping his hands on his shirt like his life depends on it#this idea applied to monodeku is funny as shit#monoma trying to compliment izuku but it comes out as “i hate your stupid face stop looking at me”#and when izuku compliments him hes like “uh thanks i mean fuck you i mean uh shut the fuck up i hope you die”#and internally hes like “WAAUUUUGGGHHHH WAAAHHHH AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH WAAAUUGGHHGGHGHGHGHHHHHGHHHG”#the autism does not help with his flirting skills either
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shoutout to tak the hideous new girl btw. episode of all time
#omg q actively posting no way#quirinahdraws#invader zim#digital#invader tak#human tak#invader skoodge#invader tenn#gir#gaz membrane#dib membrane#skoodges shirt says i survived blorch and all I got was this t shirt btw#og just did the tak screenshot redraw but I like to fill my pages so I just. doodled#why is zim pied? bevause it think it would be very amusing.#still think dib and tak hanging out in that ep was kinda funny. kids who hate zims gutstype beat#doodle#i didn’t get to draw a full body tak design but i am in firm belief she’s one of those people who wear those like massive platform boots.#it’s in the canon design and everything
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hope i don't come off too intrusively but that all sounds like the qualifications for ocd! or at least anxiety with obsessive compulsive tendencies which would require the same medication, i would go get that checked out!
lovely sentiment but- I'm not going to say for certain I have any kind of Thing going on with my brain without having gotten either a professional (psychiatric) opinion or a professional (peer reviewed by people with that disorder) opinion, and since at the moment I can't go to any doctor about it... it'll stay a mistery + I won't be getting meds any time soon
#anonymous#[.asks]#Like i have been told by a big enough mumber of people that I'm very likely to be autistic and ive done extensive research on that#so I'm okay with- with saying that#but for ocd I know quite little and I've only been told by one or two people- so. I'm holding off on that.#+ my parents keep withdrawing the information about my gp so i couldn’t even go that route if I tried#and i dont trust uni counseling services that much...#I'll hold off and deal with the 'I can't do this it's Intrinsically Wrong and I will Throw Up if I try' and all that. On My Own#I do think it's funny when people try to tell me I have ocd online. You don't know the half of it. I had a panic attack over a stained shirt#<-lasted an hour NOT in the 'im sooo ocd i hate messes' way in the i was going to kms if I didn’t buy a clean shirt way
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Please look upon these hilarious mockup photos I made for the tshirt/sweater designs I'm selling over on Etsy.
Tag yourself, I'm the "no YOU hang up" vampire XD
#The cat print is actually based on my cat hank because I love him#gothic fashion#halloween fashion#mothman#support your local library#capitalism is a death cult#I'm tired of capitalism but I'm forced to participate so I might as well make cool shirts for it#indie artist#support small artists#animal artists#tshirt design#I just started the shop so there's almost no sales but I promise it's trustworthy#I've been in the process of getting this set up for months#anyway I chose the most ridiculous mockup photos I could#probably not great for attracting people on etsy but I think they're funny so oh well#I am struggling#please reblog#I hate asking for reblogs but I don't know how to get my stuff in front of the people that will like it otherwise
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My therapist asked if I dressed ironically and I had to assure him that no, I just really like florals
#he said I wear a lot of flowery clothes and ‘funny shirts’#which I mean I don’t even wear a ton of florals. just like a flowery shirt or pair of pants#but I mean… plants look nice. flowers look nice. flowers… pretty#and ‘funny shirts’??? that just hurts#I’ve only worn band shirt and dress shirts. today was a kind of cute Godzilla shirt but I’m not doing it to be ironic#I’m too old to like things ironically#just let me be cringe with sincerity#tbf I’d just told him I’d been goth in high school and I guess he thought that carried over and was me trying to get people’s attention#and I mean I guess a lot of people pick their outfits with some idea of public perception in mind#so I don’t think it’s unreasonable to imagine how others would perceive me#but I dress like a boring dad a lot of the time. not anything exciting#I swear I’m still goth inside. I promise I’m still a spooky boy. but the kind of spooky boy that wears shorts w/ the occasional polo shirt🤷🏻#oh god… I’m a sellout 😣#we were talking about how self conscious I am and how I hate possibly being viewed as this big grumpy looking dude#but whatever we’ve all got problems pppssssshawwww#and I dunno… this is too much talking for a dumb text post#whoops#you can ignore this#text
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i really didnt like sunny when I first started watching and it took until season 3-4ish to warm up to it and I fell in love during season 5. ive just remembered why.
I didnt like how terrible the writing was for minor female characters. everything from the way they were written to the way they were directed just felt weird. and it went beyond the way the other characters saw them.
and the second thing was that the frequency with which dennis took off his shirt irrationally irritated me. it gave me jeff winger flashbacks. thankfully ive now seen the light.
#I was going to put a placating tag for the community fans but fuck that I hate jeff winger#I cant form any coherent points about the way they portray women#but it just feels off in the early series#idk they get better at it#imagine me seething everytime dennis took his shirt off#this is funny to me know because youve all posted him shirtless so much that im desensitised now#*now#btw my hatred of those scenes was nothing to do with how he looks#I just get vicerally uncomfortable very easily#the reason I hate the gang hits the slopes so much is because of that extended sex scene with charlie#something about men trying to be sexy gives me second hand embarrassment#that sounds mean im not being mean#i mean any man! even hot ones!#iasip#rereading this a couple months later and i have no clue what i was on about in the tags#replace the word men with people
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me and my sister went to the mall today and we ran into hot topic so fucking fast it was unbelievable. me and my sister are literal opposites when it comes to fashion. she picked pink, pastel shit like she was trying to be all uwu kawaii meanwhile im just standing here with my arms full of emo and goth shit, i legit felt like daigo and masato with all this emo drip i had walked out with. (p.s. they should put yakuza stuff in hot topic if they havent already because i have yet to have any yakuza related things in my room </3 also hot topic is like the only store i will shop at)
im so sorry to say these words to you but reading this reminded me of my immortal
#snap chats#I ALSO HAVE NO ROOM TO TALK THOUGH CAUSE I LITERALLY JUST GOT BACK FROM HOT TOPIC AND SPENCERSLKEAKVJA#rubbing off my fucking eyeliner as we speak im no better than a goffick and im sure the stuff you got was actually real fire and im jealous#i actually wore my hakuho pin out today- i pinned it on my back jean jacket. not to flex on you or anything 🥴#i remember the day my college friend said something about me being goth and i looked like a dumbass saying 'im not goth...'#when all i ever did was wear black. and tbf i toned it down a LOT while i was at school. i wanted to be normal-passing 😭😭#that aside i only went in to get jewelry and a new belt chain. also a kirby keychain and nail polish#but like it was that Blackheart brand so you know i just wanted it for the skull container and the name. also i was running out#my hot topic really doesnt have any clothes- or at least clothes i fuck with like its mostly skirts and puffy-sleeved shirts#and yeah those are epic and awesome but they're not my style yk. love it on other people just not on me#i usually get my clothes from like. express or skate shops. very different fashions as you can see LMAOOO#like today i got this really pretty crane shirt and then like. i got a black-and-white striped long sleeve with a skeleton hand patch LMAO#UGH im pissed i didnt get the red and black variant too but i didnt think bout it til i already left#i want to get new boots- the ones i have now are great and i love them but i want something chunkier#my 'goth' fashion is really lowkey honestly like i hardly consider myself goth cause of it- its very casual ig#ignore the fuck-you amount of rings i wear ok. theyre pretty..... also they have certain meanings sometimes#like i wear an owl ring cause it reminds me of my sis since she loved owls growing up and went to a uni with an owl mascot#i wear a dragon ring sometimes cause dragons remind me of my dad. for whatever reason.#idk its cause he tried to convince me i was born year of the dragon when i wasnt ?? idk funny guy lmao#and then i already said i wore snake stuff and crosses cause I Hate My Mom. also i was born a snake#also my dads a christian so :] i will wear two cross rings and a cross necklace tyvm love you pops i wish you were around more#uhhh did i want to say anything else. idk im just dumping about my emo bullshit thanks for reading ☠️☠️#if this wasnt my yakuza blog id actually just show the haul i got today BUT i will spare you lot from my emo bullshit#ok ill kill the tags here now im SILLY
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#I take a great pleasure and amusement from that fact that my store sells shirts for exactly ONE wrestler#who I famously Hate™️:)#and yet!!!!!!!!#despite getting the shirts right after his return this year#we have sold exactly 4#we still have 11 in the store#they are the same ones we first got in#they went to $12#and they’re currently $10#and nobody wants them#all wrestling fans who come in looking for tees are shown the shirt#they all have the same reaction#they aren’t interested lol#I even promoted them when he Um Hm ‘left’#NOTHIN#idk it’s just funny#but people ask for other people all the time#we have been BEGGING the buyers to get the tees back in store for others#in both companies too so :)#yeah the people love him#hahahahahahahhahahahaaaaaaaaa
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also i need people tagging that mask post with “actually i hate masks, i’ll wear them because i have to but i need to remind everyone that i’m the specialest person around and i haaaate wearing masks” to remember that they can just: Not Participate In Posts! sometimes you are not the target demographic for a post and that is okay!
#it is SO ANNOYING.#i think discussions abt not liking masks & wearing them anyways have a time and a place but that’s not here!#also i think it’s sooo funny to be like ‘oh so nobody else here has sensory issues with masks i see!’#doubly funny because i’ve had multiple people do this to me when i make an innocent comment like ‘lmao i love not having to smile’#or ‘lol i love when ppl don’t know i have piercings’#like. yes! i do! it’s like. i have sensory issues with the seams on Almost Every Shirt I Own. i still wear shirts every day!#and many of the shirts with Bad seams are still my favorites!#i also think this is another one of those things where it’s like. these people are seeing posts from people they follow On Line#and assuming that people who just LOOOOVE wearing a mask is the default#(for reference: despite my sensory Issues i’m a person who just LOOOOVES wearing a mask)#and feel. that their experiences are not being Considered#but it’s like. hating masks is the default. actually. the world is full of those people.#outside of my friendgroup everyone i know who still wears a mask (we gotta wear them at work) whines about it#the world is full of people who think they are the exception!!!!#people who are like ‘yay masks!!!!’ are not running victory laps around you lmao. we’re just having fun.
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People, One Star, Fucking Nightmare Would Not Recommend T-Shirt
Shop link: https://www.teepublic.com/t-shirt/49127316-people-one-star-would-not-recommend?store_id=2781426
Great gift for anyone, but especially people with dark humor in hospitality, customer service or anywhere with people. Like the world. This humorous design is a rating of People at only one star. Great sweary gag gift for friends who don't like people. People, One Star, Fucking Nightmare Would Not Recommend sarcastic review design for introverts or anyone who hates humans. Great funny gift for introverts or people who have to deal with people day after day and they are driven nuts by it. It is too peopley out there!
#i hate people#people#one star#funny#introvert#fucking nightmare#funny shirt ideas#christmas gift#christmas#funny sayings#funny people#anti social#adult humor jokes#sarcastic#hilarious
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my mother telling me that she wishes i wore more clothes that “fit my body type” and that everything else looks bad on me because i’m fat
#and then she’s like ‘i’m not trying to hurt your feelings i’m just trying to tell you the truth’#but it’s not! because i feel confident in clothes while not necessarily tight fit to my body#and i hate i HATE baggy clothes on myself i feel so unbelievably ugly and huge in them it’s not even funny#so no i’m not gonna wear baggy clothes just cause society says that’s what looks best on bigger people cause for me it’s not true#and stuff that flares out is different because at least there’s structure but a loose dress with no belt#or an oversized shirt that’s not tucked in or twisted on me makes my skin crawl#but apparently i am embarrassing and ugly to my siblings when i where stuff that makes me comfortable :(#eris: text#[redacted]
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#dog lover#dog lover shirt#wine lover#wine lover shirt#hate people shirt#funny women shirt#funny dog shirt#funny drinking shirt
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aiobuvu;nj I have stared at this for several nonconsecutive hours since I was @'ed Minji
I love this idea so much. Just lemme- yeah here we go:
~~~
In the midst of it all, a light of hope amidst the chaos, there is: Tucker.
Tucker Foley knows what he's about. Tech. He's about tech. His first priority after entering an entirely new version of earth with who knows how many differences to temporal placement, sapient populations, flora, and fauna?
He wants to know if his PDAs still work.
He checks Sandra first, of course.
Miraculously, she works fine.
Next up is the modded ones - he skips straight his one true love: Helena.
Helena had been with them from the beginning - the first PDA, the one true PDA, with every mod and upgrade tested over time. They'd cracked open many a GIW facility together in the past - among other things.
And. It seems Desiree was feeling generous? Helena connects to the internet just fine, and her scans all come back clean. He'd set his other loves up to scan while he was waiting, but of course Helena finished the fastest, unparalleled as she was in her might as in her beauty.
So next up was research time.
And Tucker is about tech, but the first article about heroes has him distracted.
So of course he has to know more.
The first search, ghosts, doesn't really net anything.
The second for a more general "powers" leads him to an article about "metas." He only skims a few sentences before moving on.
Finally, he searches "magic."
A hero named "Captain Marvel" pops up. Guy claims to be magic instead of a meta. It's not a LOT, but it's a possibility. Tucker's gonna have to hunt the guy down. Because if magic is a real, genuine thing in this new world?
Tucker wants magitech. Badly. The things Helena could do with a magical power boost...
Well, he doesn't really know, but he wants to.
But first, time to be a good friend and help Danny (and all of Amity, really) Triple G their way into this new world.
~~~
Kon is so, so grateful he can hold his breath for a long time.
It took thirty minutes for them to arrive to the newly-existing town in middle-of-nowhere-Illinois thanks to the logistics of "the entire internet and US government just got several thousand new people as if they were always there except they clearly weren't and it's causing Issues (TM).
(Mainly, the issue is paranoia - is this another invasion, is this a trst version for a mass-brainwashing, etc etc).
Kon spent the next twenty minutes watching Clark trying and failing to get a word in edgewise.
The maybe-hero's no one's ever seen before hovering above the definitely-town that wasn't there before very politely roast Clark's costume before, essentially, dismissing him out of hand.
Then they'd gone back to squabbling. There'd been a few stray lasers from the maybe-hero's aimed at each other accompanied by pouting or protest, but they were few and far between and all very carefully aimed away from the onlooking crowds below - almost the whole town from the look of things.
And then.
And then.
Some kid in a beret waves the three down - all of whom obediently descend.
Well, the probable-siblings descend obediently. Red grumbles a bit before following - utterly ignoring Clarks "If we cou-."
Clark stared after them, dismayed, as Kon diligently kept from vibrating in place behind him.
And then, of course, Kon hears what beret-guy is saying.
There's magic in this universe, he tells them.
And, well, at least that one thing confirmed.
The four - and a nearby goth girl - grin as one, saying as one: "Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss?"
"Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss," Beret grins back.
Kon is so glad he doesn't have to breath that often.
Clark begins to descend.
"I'll get Lance on it- if- " Goth hesitates.
Beret nods. "Yep, everything's greenlit. Thankfully. I'll update the city-only page with deets - make sure he checks it before he goes live."
She nods before away, taking out a phone as she goes.
~~~
The maybe-hero trio squabble a bit more, with the boy groaning and rolling his eyes when he sees Clark's approach before grabbing the other two and dragging both into the ground.
Beret and the onlookers seem unconcerned.
Clark doesn't let it phase him, calmly allowing the three to slip away in favor of talking to the unmoved Beret, who had yet to look up from his...
Phone?
Maybe???
"Young man-"
"Sean." Beret boy cuts him off with a polite nod.
"Ah, Sean then, I have few questions for you-"
"Who???"
"You-"
"Uh, my name is Tucker," Tucker shoots back, raising a brow. And yet. His eyes still do not leave his...device? At first he'd thougt... but the more Kon looks the less it seems like a phone.
No. It isn't a phone.
Maybe it never was.
"But- you said it was Sean?" Clark asks, voice politely confused, if a bit distressed.
"I thought you were Sean. Isn't that was the 'S' stands for?"
"...No, it-"
"Spencer, then," Tucker says, finally putting away The Device. "Listen. I'm sure you're wondering "who are all these people" and "how did you get here" and "there wasn't a town here like five minutes ago how could this have happened." I gonna level with you - so is the federal government, probably. And now that the Notice-Me-Not curse afflicting our home for generations has finally been lifted-" Clark opens his mouth, but Tucker barrels on "-we kind of need to deal with that. So if you have questions maybe just watch the news. Or least go away for a minimum of five business days."
"Son-"
"We're literally not related, our town was literally isolated from the outside world by a curse for ages."
"We know you're from a different universe."
"What, Amity? Why would you think that?" The boy feigns confusion.
Kon notices a variety of people in the crowd recording them on an eclectic mixture of flip phones, Just Cameras, and oddly old-looking touch-screen phones.
"I heard you talking to your friends-"
"From that far away?" Tucker's eyes flicker doubtfully to the sky.
"I have super-hearing-"
"Then you heard wrong. Now if you'll excuse me-"
"I heard you perfectly well-"
"Uh-uh, and just how does this "super-hearing" work, exactly," he asks, and he puts the power in air quotes. And Kon is holding his breath without too much effort but he can't quite subdue the tears bubbling up as a result of suppressing his laughter at this. "If you even-"
"It's global-" Kon spits out, his desperation to know what Tucker will say next allowing him to subdue the chuckles just long enough.
"What, just everything? All of the time?"
Kon nods. Clark works his mouth wordlessly, unsure how to proceed with the odd change of topic but upbringing forbidding him from being rude just because the other person is being difficult.
"Dude, do you have any idea how many people talk about alternate universe stuff all the time? It's, like, nerd 101. And you, what, picked out one conversation? Out of billions? And don't think you might've confused any of the numerous same or similar voices throughout the world with mine?"
Tucker shakes his head pityingly.
"You heard wrong, my guy. It happens to the best of us. And speaking of the best of us," he says, pulling out another buzzing not-a-phone-and-maybe-never-was, "It seems like Monica needs some quality time with the TF."
He caresses the side of the machine and turns to leave.
Clark stares after him as the crowd moves to disperse. Among them, a girl glances at him and tells her friends, "Dios mio, all the fashion in this place had better not look like that."
A tear rolls down Kon's cheek.
'Don't. Laugh.'
You know... >.>
My Dad always used to tell me, if I get a Genuine Genie(tm)? Get a lawyer first. Before I make my Wishes(tm), so they can help me word them correctly.
Obviously, a human lawyer would not be foolproof... BUT! What about a Ghost Lawyer?
Like? Obviously Desiree would be PISSED. How DARE you twist HER wish twisting! Her THING is "what you believe is your heart's desire always comes at a terrible cost" which is what she DIED to learn.
So obviously she would NEVER, willingly, bend her Obsession for ANYONE. And you'd have to make a DAMN good case to that Lawyer for why he ISNT breaking the law by helping you. Probably some "you can: save the life of an unconscious person against their will/shove an unobservant person OFF the train tracks, even if they get hurt, to save their life" clause.
Like? Using a ghosts Obsession against them? Bad. Illegal.
Using it against their will, to save OTHER ghosts, who are in immediate danger? Not illegal, but they will be PISSED. Still not great though, you will want to apologize and fast.
So like??? Reality Bending Power. Patrick Star Method of "what if we MOVED the city... somewhere else?" Considered at 1am. Team of Ghost Laywers, acquired.
Amity and all Limnals are REMOVED from the DP-verse.
Wish worded juuuuust so. Any ghost that forms there? Yoink! Instantly removed to the Zone. Natural Portals? Cut off. Let the whole Reality fade out at an accelerated rate, as no NEW energy is fed into the system. Entropy will do, what entropy does. Exactly as they wished it.
They hated Death so much, they speed up the heat death of their ENTIRE universe by Eons. Congratulations, you guys "Won". Enjoy the wildly more fragile flora, fauna, and general ecosystems. Now that none of you have that ambient Ectoplasm strengthening your bodies. Yeah, the things you used to shrug off? Those are gonna maim or kill you now.
Doesn't MATTER if you "learn your lesson" though! Cause this is WAY past that point! This is "cutting off the tumor before it kills us" territory, and buddy? Amity ISNT the tumor. Go forth a grow, just like you wanted.
They won't be here to fix your messes anymore.
Because Danny got himself a dictionary thick "I Wish..." contract. Which was worded, as it needs to be, in one loooooooong run on sentence. Shouted "I Wish what's written on THIS, as it is currently, and without any form of editing or negotiation!" As fast as he could. Yote the document in Desiree's direction. And Flew like an INCANDESCENTLY pissed off Genie was trying to set his everything of fire.
Which she was.
Thankfully, Paulina came in clutch with her History of all things Jewelry, world fashions, and Make-Up knowledge. That, coupled with the Power Of Rich Friends(tm)? (Sam. Her mother was THRILLED to take her Jewelry and clothing shopping for something other then blacks and dark purple. They went on a jet setting whurl-wind tour. Sam actually kinda liked a some of what she found.)
They have Apology Bribes.
They shamelessly HIDE behind the mountain of Apology Bribes, while they explain themselves. Is Desiree HAPPY? No. But those bracelets are magnificent and she DOES deserve nice things. Those silks will really bring out her eyes. And she... DOES... admit...
Maybe...
That things are not... SAFE. Any longer. Danny TRIES. Everyone else can see it. And he's made incredible strides! Even convinced his lunatic parents. Though they're still not quite POPULAR. (WAY too pushy and invasive with their questions, for most people.) But the fanatics in white?
They nearly killed Box Lunch. If her father hadn't BEEN there...
And the poor man will have that scar on his back for the rest of his afterlife. Desiree can see why Danny is pushing. Does she LIKE it? No. But...
She supposes she will content herself with the suffering of the Fanatics in White and all who support them. THEIR wishes, twisted. Their ugly heart's desires.
Fine.
"SO YOU WISH IT. SO IT SHALL BE!"
And? The ghost town of what WOULD of one day grown into Amity, had the witch's there not been found by those they had fled from, which sits in long rotted ruins, amongst the trees in nowhere Illinois? Poof! Two "Towns" are switched.
The roads out of town coming to a clean line stop, meeting not even goat paths. Just trees. Old growth.
But it's not ALL of Town, is it? Faces missing. New, confused, faces from every corner of the map, taking their place. No Limnal left behind. No supporter of the GIWs genocide, brought along. Family's kept together where they could be. But by the few, scared and upset, green flashing eyes of children in the crowd?
It seemed for some, it was easier to fear and hate, then love their children.
Already they were being gathered up by school teachers and PTA parents. As everyone tried to figure out what had happened. Concerned, quite muttering a dull roar as everyone tries to coordinate.
Red Huntress joins Danny and Dani in the Sky. She doesn't get a word in. Wanted to know what the HELL was going on. She was with her dad in Chicago! Dani was in Taiwan! Literally! As in, sitting in a SUBWAY station one second, the next? Outside!
But they don't get to demand those answers. Because there is a sonic boom on the horizon. And then? Floating... weird... not ghosts?
Uuuuuuhhhh?
Hi?
That much blue... sure is a Statement. Like the cape and... bloooomers? Shorts. Bikini bottoms? It.. it's a Cool Look, dude! No, really. They are being VERY supportive here! If YOU like it? That's the only thing that matters!
Red Huntress smacks the Danny/i's Repeated upside their heads and demans to know what the Not-Ghosts are doing in their airspace.
Oh YEAH. Good point! What she said! And can it WAIT? They're kinda going through A Thing right now...
Kon? Wants it on record he loves these guys. They're hilarious. The LOOK on Clark's FACE?? He wishes he could frame it. Preserve it for future generations. Thing is? There was NOT a town here a second ago.
Well, bout 30 minutes or so, but you get the idea. One moment? Tree noises. Bam! Thousands of people! Obviously the checked it out. Only to be met with two... three maybe? Heros who have NO IDEA who they are.
Clear Reality warping shenanigans. Might be time travel or multiverse. Question is... are they STAYING? And if SO? What now...
@hdgnj @ailithnight @the-witchhunter @nerdpoe @dcxdpdabbles @mutable-manifestation @hypewinter
#dpxdc#yeah I maybe made Tucker's phone a little eldritch#yeah they're gonna convince people Amity was cursed before#“people couldn't see amity before because of the curse”#“what's that? Magic isn't real? Do you think beloved hero captain marvel is a liar?”#also literally what are meta powers if not magic#“but! but it's linked to genetics!”#my entire ass - genetics don't let you bend metal. correlation is not causation. some magic is more specific than other magic#they be gaslighting everybody#but#They pay their taxes?#and their tech updates are surprisingly good?#especially once their scientists learn DC (or “outside world”) tech better#yeah the gov't doesn't mind them too much#very funny if Lex Luthor thinks they're all martians or something (re video of danny dragging dani & val through the ground) and HATES THEM#vlad would be there#still mayor? idk#but if at least some of dalv co is in Amity he can prob finangle it to get some of his money back#and elbow in on Lex tech's markets#making about both “evil aliens” and about money#just Vlad v Luthor#does luthor have anti-ghost protections?#I want Vlad to get fed up and start stealing his stuff#idk where else to go with this but I feel like this AU has so much potential!#alt idea: they could claim amity has been skipping around the world since forever#but got caught in the bermuda for a good bit there#looks like it's america this time#Amity Parkers: *sips smoothie while wearing hawaiin shirt* hi new neighbors
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I showed my friend here the latest reblog on my blog saying how I remember this popular twitter chick telling me how “true lesbians are butch in appearance overweight wear plaid shirts with corduroy pants.” My friend replied “my mom believes this too.”🙄
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(Don't You) Steal My Thunder
my tyler owens playlist 🤝 inspiring fic titles
Tyler Owens x fem!reader 7k words
summary: Tyler Owens is the most annoying man you've ever met. But he's set on getting you on his good side. And the more you get to know him, the less you can resist.
a/n: i had to research sm car stuff for this it's not funny. i now know exactly how to describe a truck bed though, so. that's fun.
again, my inbox is wide open <33 i don't guarantee anything, but you can always come talk to me or request smth
masterlist | twisters masterlist
Tyler Owens is the most annoying man you've ever met.
He prints his face on t-shirts, writes his autograph on mugs, comes up with ridiculous sayings ("Not My First Tornadeo" and "If you feel it, chase it" are really just the tip of the ice berg) and most importantly, he costs you the best shots of tornadoes every goddamn time.
Tyler Owens is a problem.
And Tyler Owens seems to have actively decided to make himself a problem too.
Which would be fine, if he flipped you the bird or told you to fuck off or threw his paper towels at you. Unluckily, those are rather examples of what you have done to him. Because it's not fine, not at all - no, Tyler Owens has decided that it's not enough to be in your way all the time, he has to seek you out and rub your nose in it.
Tyler Owens is the most annoying man you've ever met. He's cocky and he's arrogant and he's entirely too full of himself. He brags too much and calls you "weather girl" too often. He gets under your skin more than you would ever admit.
And, as if all of that isn't enough - Tyler Owens is the very epitome of handsomeness.
It's like god didn't just have a good day when he created Tyler Owens, no, god must have still been in the post-haze of the best head he'd gotten in his whole immortal life when he'd created Tyler Owens.
Because Tyler Owens has the body of a greek god and the face of a Hollywood actor. He's not a pornstar, he's who pornstars worship. He's the Prince Charming little girls dream of and the Christian Grey grown women lust for.
Tyler Owens looks like everything you've ever wanted.
But he's just such a fucking asshole.
You wish you could say you didn't care. You'd love to be the kind of woman who didn't even acknowledge him. But you're not. You're not. You watch his videos when you can't sleep, you chuckle when you happen to overhear his jokes, you ogle his back when he's turned away from you. Sometimes, you get so lost in staring at him that you realise too late when he turns back around, and then you have to act unbothered when he grins his fucking grin at you. That's mostly when you flip him off, desperately fighting to ignore the heat in your cheeks.
Not like it stops him. You honestly feel like it only spurs him on.
Something has to seriously be wrong with him. It's not his face. But something is seriously wrong with him, you're sure of that.
Something has to be wrong with him. No sane person would ever go tornado wrangling. No hate to the rest of his crew - they're nice, you've managed to hold a few pretty normal conversations with them here and there - but none of them are sane either.
Storm chasing is different. You keep your distance. All you need are a few well-placed photographs - and those you can get from a rather safe number of miles away. The weather channel doesn't care about close-ups (not really, anyway). They want something to show the people on their comfortable couches, up in New Hampshire or Maine, so that all of them can say to each other "What poor folks, wouldn't wanna live there" and nod in pity as they switch the channel to watch another blockbuster.
You're just doing your job.
The only problem is that it's hard to do your job properly when there's always that fucking red truck in the way, driving down empty roads right into the heart of the tornado. And because no one on the news wants people to see that and go "Well, can't be too bad if there's still cars on the streets!", in the last few months - ever since you'd volunteered to move back to Oklahoma 'So that we've got someone right in Tornado Alley and don't have to fly people out there every time' - the weather channel has only shown the first few minutes of tornadoes forming. The rest of your pictures and videos lie abandoned in the trash file on your laptop. Except for a few - a very, very few, very, very good pictures of Tyler Owens and his Tornado Wranglers. But those won't ever see the light of day either.
You'd be damned if you let anyone know that while Tyler Owens is busy disturbing your actual work, you're busy taking pictures of him shooting fireworks into tornadoes. Pictures that would make for some damn good headers (if you hadn't buried them far, far down your gallery).
This time is no different. You get a few amazing shots of the tornado forming – surely an EF2, maybe even an EF3 - before you settle in the driver's seat again, your window rolled down and your camera hung around your neck as you push down on the gas. Then, a few miles further, you get even better shots of the full tornado, of the first few minutes of destruction, right there, in the middle of an empty field.
And as always, of course, just as the tornado takes on full form, you spot that familiar red truck through the lens of your camera. It speeds down the pavement right in front of where you’ve swerved onto the side of the road and you snap a few pictures, just because you’ve got the trigger right underneath your finger. Honestly, something about that dirty red paint against the grey skies just looks too good not to capture. But then the truck comes closer and closer and starts to slow down and you let your camera sink.
Tyler has his window rolled down already when he stops the car. There’s that annoyingly handsome grin on his lips, the one that makes you want to slap him across the face.
“You’re too far away, weather girl”, he calls out above the rumble of distant wind and thunder. “The good pictures are down that way.”
“The good pictures are right here.” You lift your camera at him. “Maybe you just need to update your equipment.”
Tyler’s grin widens, but before he can throw another of those obnoxious retorts your way, Lilly’s voice rings out through the car.
“Hey, T, looks like it’s changing course. You should hurry.”
His eyes are still glued to yours, still glued so firmly to yours that it makes your skin crawl. You can’t look away, couldn’t possibly look away. Tyler Owens might just be a cocky asshole, but you’re only human. And the weight of his gaze on yours is enough to keep you stuck in place, clutching at your camera.
“We’re on our way, Lilly”, he drawls without looking away from you. “See you around, weather girl.”
The rest of the pictures you take land in your trash file with all the other pictures of the last few weeks. You’re laying in bed, your laptop propped up against a pillow, the empty plate from dinner on the mattress next to you as you sort through today’s work. That’s the good thing about the time difference – you’ve got until seven to send the channel the day's results.
By nine, you’ve showered, put on a dress you feel confident in and settled on one of the chairs at the local bar. You’ve been telling yourself you need to get out a little bit more – you’ve been living here three months now and you haven’t really made any friends so far. To be fair, your job has kept you out and about most of the time. You’ve spent more hours at gas stations to fill up your tank than you have in your own home. But now you’ve decided to put an end to that. You're a young woman in a new town, you can meet more people than just the cashier at the local supermarket.
So for the past twenty minutes, you’ve been nursing a mojito at the counter and talking to the bartender. She’s nice, she’s your age, she’s extroverted enough to keep sidling up to you after every time she has to excuse herself to do her job. That, and she tells you she’s grown up here, so she knows most of the people around. She’s just serving another customer – a long-haired, brown-eyed, hat-wearing country guy who’s already shared a smile or two with you – when someone rests their arm on the countertop next to you.
“Didn’t expect to see you here”, he drawls, all low, deep Southern accent and you recognise his voice before you’ve even tilted your head up and looked at him. His grin drips down onto his words and wraps itself around your mind.
Tyler Owens isn’t just annoying – he’s unbelievable. He's unbelievable and he’s here.
“So you’re stalking me now”, you say, as drily as you can possibly manage. You've been doing that a lot around him. Dead-panning everything. Schooling your expression into fake neutrality.
"I'm here all the time, weather girl", he grins. "If anything, you're stalking me."
You snort, but it's rather unfunny when you think of all the videos you've watched, hours after they'd been livestreamed, cuddled up in your bed until midnight just to stare at his face. He's not that far from the truth.
"In your dreams, Owens", you say anyway, dragging your eyes back towards your almost empty cocktail glass. You wrap your lips around your straw and drain your drink entirely. What you say and what you do, none of that matters in the end. All of this is just show. Every conversation you've had with Tyler Owens in the last three months has been nothing but a performance. Other than your name, you don't think a single sentence out of your mouth has been honest. Not when it comes to him.
"Let me buy you a beer" is the only answer you get.
His grin widens when you look back up again - so cocky, so unbelievably cocky.
"I don't drink."
You push your glass an inch further down the bar top. Tyler raises his eyebrows. Fuck, someone really needs to kick him in the face. You can't keep having all these little heart attacks whenever he's close enough that you could touch him if you wanted.
Not that you want to.
"You're drinking right now", he says. You rest your palms against the bar top and blink at him.
"I don't drink with you."
He lets out a chuckle, one of those deep ones that settle right in your chest and make it hard to swallow.
"Just this once?", he asks and in all honesty, for just a second there, you actually consider giving in. He's too handsome for his own good. You really need to get it together. He's an ass (what an ass, goddamn). And he's insane. He's an insane ass. Sometimes you have to remind yourself of that - those times like now, when his piercing eyes and his kissable lips and his rugged stubble and his broad, broad shoulders and his drawled voice overshadow everything else.
"Don't you have some livestreaming to do?", you ask, hoping it still comes across just as sarcastic when you're the slightest bit distracted by how gloriously tight the sleeves of his flannel are. "Go chasing tornadoes, not me."
His grin widens inexplicably further. You're sure that if you were in a comic, there'd be a lightbulb flashing above his head right about now.
"Well", he drawls, "if you feel it..."
"Don't you do that shit to me, Owens."
He's raising his eyebrows again, raising his eyebrows as you clasp your hand around your empty glass so hard your knuckles turn white. But you're serious. Just as you'd lost yourself in the view of him, that angelic, sinful view of him, he'd gone and reminded you why you were so adamant to keep your distance. If you feel it, chase it. Ridiculous. Obnoxious. He's an arrogant, know-it-all, suicidal job-wrecker. He's the guy with cameras pointed at him everywhere he goes. He signs mugs and selfies and hats and shirts and bras. He's the reason you haven't gotten a single un-edited shot of a fully formed tornado in the last three months.
"You're not a fan of my catchphrase, weather girl?"
He can't even pretend to look wounded (even though he tries) with how big the grin on his lips still is. You stare right at him, dead-eyed and unflinching.
"I'm not a fan of you."
Lies slip off your tongue so easily by now that you wonder when you'd become morally compromised enough to not even care anymore. It must've happened somewhere along the way, sometime between the first conversation you'd had with him and the one you're having with him right now.
"You wound me", he grins, his palm pressed to his chest.
For the first time tonight, you allow yourself to grin back at him.
"I try."
With that, you slip off your chair and wave the bartender goodbye. You're already two steps away when Tyler calls after you.
"I'd still buy you a beer."
"I'm still not drinking with you", you call back. You don't turn around again. You just make your way back to your car and mark the evening as a half-successful night of socialising on your to-do list.
...
You see him again first thing the next day. Of course. Because there's no tornadoes without the Tornado Wranglers on their tail. By now, you're used to it. You wave at Dani as they come back out of the store at the gas station you're waiting at. They've got both arms full of coffees and for a second, you consider offering your help, but then you hear Tyler shout something out of his car and you suddenly don't feel any desire whatsoever to get up. You've sat yourself down in your truck bed, your camera slung around your neck and the radar on your lap. If all goes right, you're hoping for a tornado to form a little to the east from here. And as much as you dislike Tyler Owens, the fact that he's here soothes your nerves. Where he goes, there's sure to be tornadoes close by.
The few times you hadn't seen him had never ended well for you. You'd missed an EF3 your second week here just because you'd followed the wrong hunch. Meanwhile Tyler, of course, had been in the middle of it.
This might just be the one singular situation that you welcome seeing his red truck around. As long as you can manage to overtake him on the road after.
It's not that you need to be faster. You don't need to reach the tornado first. You don't even take the same way as him most of the time. He wants in there, you just want a sensible picture. Still, you can't help but feel a pang of disappointment every time you hit the brakes and jump out of your car, miles away from the actual cell as Tyler speeds down towards it. You've been telling yourself that it's because he ruins your pictures. It kind of is.
"Hey, weather girl!"
You let out a resigned breath as you tilt your head up and squint against the sun. He's still in his truck, his window rolled down, his elbow propped up against the car door.
"What do you want, Owens?"
Your fingers itch to reach for your camera. It's a visual, him in that fucking car, leaning out of his window with the sun peaking out behind him. But you can't, you can't take a picture of him this openly. Even if you were to argue that it's just the light you'd wanted to capture.
"To give you some advice", he calls out, his lips pulling into a grin. You raise your eyebrows at him. "East isn't gonna work out. Wind's changing. Go south."
He throws you a mock salute and hits the gas before you can say anything else.
Not that you'd been about to.
Instead you just curse to yourself, jump off the truck bed and throw your treacherous technology into the passenger seat with a little too much vigor. Fuck this. You sit at the steering wheel and stare out at the sky for exactly two seconds before you make your decision. Then you start your car and drive south.
You may not be a fan of Tyler Owens, but you've long since admitted to yourself that this man has got a gift. He has an unbeatable instinct when it comes to storms. And sure, you have your fair share of knowledge, but in the end, you're a photographer, not a meteorologist. You won't miss a day's work just because you're too proud to listen to Tyler.
You're a little further behind, but you can spot his truck and guess that he's driving straight on into the cell today, so you take a right and decide to try your luck with the side of the tornado. Not being right in its path doesn't sound too bad anyway.
You actually manage to snap a few well-placed pictures. You don't know what Tyler's doing, but it seems like he's not shooting random shit up the cell today. You'll watch the stream later - you're just the slightest bit curious now what's happening with them. Maybe they're doing some old-school chasing? Or maybe they're doing a challenge. Maybe Tyler is driving blindfolded. At this point, who knows.
It's good for you though. It's a considerable tornado today, an EF2 at least, and you only spot Tyler's red truck again when the cell moves further down the fields, away from him. It doesn't look like it's gonna disappear anytime soon. Maybe today's your lucky day.
Half an hour later, you're sure you've got at least a dozen pictures of the fully formed tornado, long touched down and without the red truck in the way.
You're just packing up your things, already sifting through the photos on your camera, squinting against the sunlight, trying to both tug the zipper of your bag closed and hit the right buttons at the same time when Tyler pulls up next to you.
"You look busy, weather girl", he says, already grinning that damn grin again.
"I am", you say - truthfully, for once. You let go of your bag and lower your camera. You're hesitant, but... "Thanks for the tip."
"Anytime", he grins. "Just do me one favour."
You already know this can't be good. Not with that cheeky look on his face. But he'd just saved you from chasing hot air (quite literally), so he deserves a little treat. And you don't want unsettled scores with Tyler Owens.
"I want to know what favour that's supposed to be before I agree", you say anyway, because with him, you can never be too careful. And in the end, you're only willing to do so much. (Though for him, you'd already do a lot more than you'd admit. A lot more than you hope he's aware of.)
"Let me buy you a beer", he says, and for once, he sounds serious.
The memory of yesterday night flashes before your eyes, of those same words at the bar. With him so close, way too close - with that grin and that stubble and that voice and those shoulders. You cross your arms and stare at him.
"If you're livestreaming this, I'm gonna sue your ass so hard."
He just lets out a chuckle and raises his hands in surrender.
"Cameras are off, I swear."
You stare at him for another silent ten or so seconds. At him in that fucking truck that looks just a little too good in your pictures. At him and his fucking face. That fucking face that you certainly wouldn't mind sitting on, if just to shut him up.
God, he's asking you to drink something with him. He's asking to buy you something to drink with him. You're stupid.
You're so, so stupid.
"Alright, cowboy", you say, uncrossing your arms and reaching for the handle of your car door. "I'll humour you."
...
You're in the bar again by nine that night, the same way you had been the day before. You're wearing a different dress and there's a different bartender, but you've ordered the same mojito and chosen the same place to sit.
Only this time, you're actively watching the door. And when Tyler strolls in, you've got to shift around in your seat and cross your legs. You don't even pretend you're not staring. You just ogle him openly. Not for the first time ever - you'd checked him out very obviously when he'd strutted towards you to introduce himself three months ago - but definitely for the first time in a while. And god yeah, he's a hunk of a man, alright. If you had your camera here right now...
But you don't. So instead, you drop your eyes to his feet (brown leather boots), drag them up his legs (blue jeans), over his chest (red checkered flannel), over his face (god, what you wouldn't give-) and finally rest them on the cowboy hat on top of his head.
When he's close enough to hear you, already grinning, of course, probably at how you're actually sitting there in the same spot as yesterday and hadn't just lied to his face about coming here, you raise your eyebrows at him.
"A cowboy hat?", you ask, your voice as unbothered as you can possibly manage (even though you're very, very, very much bothered right now). His grin only widens.
"Ladies love country boys", he drawls with a shrug.
"Now that's straight out of a song", you say. "You're getting lazy, Owens."
"A song?", he asks. "No, that's an Owens Original."
You pull your eyebrows even further up.
"Ladies love country boys? Trace Adkins?"
"Nope. Not familiar."
But his grin tells you that he's lying. He's a liar. He knows very well where he got that line from. And he knows just how easily he got under your skin with his simple trick. As if his face isn't enough already.
You just shake your head and turn away from him.
"Put your money where your mouth is, Owens. Buy me a beer."
...
Tyler Owens is the most annoying man you've ever met. But he's also a great conversationalist.
The hours fly by as you're talking. One beer turns into two, then into an uncountable number of soft drinks. You both agree that you need to drive home, neither of you is willing to risk a run-in with the police. You need your drivers license for your jobs.
Tyler talks to you about the pictures you've taken today, then about the pictures from last week. He laughs when you blame him for ruining half of them and almost spits out his coke when you slap his arm for laughing at you. He tells you about his crew, about the people they've helped with the money from their dumb t-shirt sales. You think you hate him less by the minute. You're not sure if you're okay with that. But he gets you talking about your childhood and your parents, about school and college and about how you've wound back up here in Oklahoma. That effectively distracts you.
That, and how his cocky grin morphs into a genuine smile the more you open up.
Not that you didn't love the cocky grin. You did, just a bit. As obnoxious as it was. But the way he smiles at you all sweet has you melting right in your spot.
It's not the first time you realise that beneath all that rough exterior, there beats a heart of gold. You've known what those t-shirt sales are for, that he offers food and water after a tornado hits a town, that he carries the injured out of the ruins of their houses and helps find lost dogs. The more you've been around him in the past weeks, the more you've seen of his soft side. Of the way he cares and supports. But in the end, it always is easier to go back to the status quo - to fall back onto mindless snark and fleeting first impressions.
You'd clung so desperately to the image of him as this arrogant, smug, holier-than-thou influencer god for the sole purpose of keeping your own sanity. Because you'd known that without despising him, you would fall head over heels for Tyler Owens, and you just couldn't have that.
But now, with his arm brushing against yours and his hat discarded on the bar top and his smile, that beautiful, beautiful smile on his lips...
"Five bucks", he drawls, already reaching for his wallet.
"What?"
"Five bucks says there won't be a tornado tomorrow."
You raise your eyebrows at him, your glass hovering in mid-air between the two of you. You'd meant to take a sip, but now you're setting it right back down on the bar top.
"You're shitting me."
Tyler just shakes his head. He's grinning again, but it's much softer this time around.
"The winds are looking great. The forecast says it's gonna be the best conditions for tornadoes we've seen in the last six weeks. I've heard Dexter talk about how we're probably gonna see an EF4 tomorrow", you tell him, even though you're sure he's well aware of all of it. This is Tyler Owens, for god's sake. He knows about the winds and the forecasts. He knows that his crew is making preparations already.
His grin only grows. And it's smug now. It's cocky now. It's everything you thought you'd left behind during this conversation. He looks like the Tornado Wrangler again, like the guy who fucks up your pictures and makes your job harder than it already is.
It takes you a second too long to realise why.
"Dexter said that on our live", he grins, as if he can't quite believe what he's hearing. You physically recoil from him. "Do you watch our streams, weather girl?"
"No", you breathe, rigid and frozen, shocked to your very core. No, no, no, no, this cannot be happening. This cannot be happening. You'd... You hadn't made that mistake. He hadn't got you to make that mistake.
"Dexter talked about tomorrow on our live", Tyler says again, straightening his back and grinning down at you like he's just uncovered the lost grave of Cleopatra. "Only on the live. You watched our stream."
"No", you mutter, your eyes wide and your mouth dry, so dry. You need to drink. You need to drink so badly. "No, I didn't."
"Yes, you did. You watched our stream, honey."
The petname runs down your spine and clogs your senses. Honey. Oh, he's an ass, he's an asshole! But you're on the spot, you're on the spot and he's calling you honey, honey, honey. You can't do anything but watch as he leans closer to you, grinning down at you like it's his one true purpose on this earth, like he wants to eat you alive.
"I'd say you watch our streams pretty regularly, weather girl."
You swallow hard and clasp your hand around your glass.
"Yeah?", you breathe, hoping against all hope that your voice sounds somewhat innocent. You're sure it doesn't. You know it doesn't. You probably sound as guilty as you are, but... Hope dies last. Hope always dies last. "Why would you say that?"
"Just a hunch." He shows off those pearly fucking whites for you. "Call it an instinct. I'm usually right."
He is.
He's right now. He's right usually.
Him and his fucking instinct. His goddamn gut feeling about tornadoes, always right all the fucking time. He's like an Oklahoma Jesus. The first coming of Tornado Christ.
Fuck him.
Fuck him.
"I'll take your bet." You drain your glass at once. "Give me your five bucks, Owens."
You don't think it'll work. You don't think he'll let you distract him. You don't think it'll be this easy to stop his vile teasing. He's not the type of guy to let something go. He's not the type of guy to let anything go ever. But he looks at you and he grins at you and he trails his eyes over your face and then he opens up his wallet and pulls out five dollars without another word.
He puts the bill flat on the bar top.
But when you go to reach for it, he pushes his fingers down.
"The price just went up", he says.
You raise your eyebrows and let your hand sink again. Tyler is absolutely unpredictable. You should've known.
"The price just went up?", you repeat. He nods. "What more do you want to bet?"
He's closer now, closer all of a sudden. He's too close, close enough to make your breath hitch. He's looking down at you with that cocky, cheeky grin, with his weirdly green eyes, with his three day stubble and his generally much too symmetrical face. You can't do anything but look back up at him.
"A kiss", he says. Simple as that.
A kiss.
Tyler Owens is the most annoying man you've ever met. He is. Truly. He's annoying and way too full of himself and much too presumptuous. Tyler Owens is the only man who would ever do something like this. The only man who'd bet a kiss on whether or not there will be tornadoes tomorrow.
Especially with that forecast.
The one that says a tornado is basically inevitable.
"Alright", you say. He may be Tyler Owens, the guy with an infallible instinct - but he is also Tyler Owens, the guy who's been doing his hardest to get under your skin. This time might not be any different. For all you know, he's bluffing to rile you up. "I'm in."
...
At eleven the next day, you're standing next to Dexter in resigned silence.
"I really thought today was gonna pan out", you mutter.
"It should have", Dexter frowns, tapping against the screen in his hands. "It should have worked out. The conditions should have been perfect. Everything's been building the last few days."
"But it collapsed this morning."
You turn your head and watch as Tyler comes to a stand next to you, arms crossed, eyes locked on the clear sky up above. He tilts his head to you and grins. Fuck, he's wearing his goddamn hat again. It's like he doesn't even try to be normal.
"Hey, weather girl", he greets. "Ready to cash out your bet?"
You shake your head at him. No, you're not giving up this easily. You never give up this easily.
"The day's not over yet, Owens. You haven't won 'til midnight."
...
You spend most of the next hours sitting in your truck bed, reading a book you'd thrown into your backseat weeks ago and had so far neglected. Lilly hands you lunch around two, Dani offers you a coffee around five and Boone pipes up here and there to joke about the wasted day. Around six, Dexter comes by to let you know they're calling it.
You still have another hour to go. By seven, it'll be too late to send your pictures anyway. But you want the hour. You need the hour.
You still haven't decided what to do about Tyler. About Tyler and his fucking bet.
He's been loitering the whole day, walking by, joking around with his crew, livestreaming a spontaneous q&a just because.
And the more minutes tick by, the harder it is to keep ignoring that you've most definitely lost the bet. Even though you do your best. You read, you check your phone. You stare at your radar. You stare at the weather forecast. You talk to Dexter and Dani and Lilly and Boone. You take a few pictures of the sky. Then you take a few pictures of Tyler, standing some feet away from his truck and looking out at the clouds.
It's only when two of three Tornado Wranglers cars are disappearing down the road, when Tyler Owens suddenly stands in front of your truck bed, that you put down your book and face reality.
"No tornadoes in sight", he says, instead of 'Hello' or 'How are you' like any other person would.
"There's still six hours left", you reason. Even if only one of those is relevant for your job today.
"You really want to wait out six hours to prove I'm right?"
"You're not right", you argue. It's fruitless, it's stupid, it's unreasonable. But... "Not yet, anyway."
Tyler raises his eyebrows at you, lets out an amused chuckle and leans against the side of your truck bed.
"Alright, so we wait."
You eye him from the side. He's fucking leaning against your truck, staring out at the sky, talking about six hours. Goddamn. He can't be serious, can he? His crew is already gone. They've disappeared into the descending sun and he's talking about waiting another six hours. Leaned against your car.
"Fuck's sake, Owens", you sigh, scooching over to the right. "At least sit down then."
You don't talk much at first. You just open your book back up again and try your hardest to ignore that he's even here at all, barely two feet away from you on the other side of your truck bed. If you stretched your leg, you'd hit him right in the hip.
It makes reading close to impossible.
Even though he's not doing anything at all. He's just sitting there, one arm propped up on the side board, that goddamn cowboy hat on his head and his feet hanging off the opened tailgate. It's almost worse that he's not doing anything.
That he's just sitting there and watching the sky change.
You give up on reading entirely when you realise that you've finished exactly five pages in half an hour. Instead, you put your book back in the car, pull out your bluetooth speaker and two water bottles and offer Tyler one of them.
You don't even ask him what music he wants to listen to. You just put on your country playlist and roll with it. By the twitch of his lips, you know he certainly doesn't mind.
Another half hour later, it's starting to get chilly and you're beginning to grow bored of the music. Tyler sitting next to you makes you fidgety, somehow, and you can't really enjoy the songs you usually love so much. So you switch to a podcast. You don't ask Tyler if he minds. He's free to go anytime.
Around eight, the sun starts to set, and the chill turns into an unpleasant cool. You hadn't really expected to be sitting out here so long. You're not prepared for the temperature to drop. You're wearing shorts, for god's sake, shorts and a top. It's summer in Oklahoma - you don't know how Tyler even manages to survive in his long jeans. You certainly wouldn't.
But now you're a little jealous, to be honest. He doesn't look cold in the slightest while you're fighting off shivers. You can feel your hands trembling already.
You really should've brought a jacket. But who brings jackets in 30 degree summer weather?
So instead, you just resign yourself to your fate and rub your hands along your arms. Anything to get some warmth into your body.
For the first time since you've sat back down, Tyler turns his head and looks at you.
"You're cold", he says, eyes raking over your arms and the goosebumps you'd gotten.
"Great observational skills, Sherlock Holmes", you deadpan, even though he doesn't really deserve that. He had so far left you pretty much alone. "A+ on that assignment."
Well, it's hard to break bad habits.
Tyler just chuckles, shakes his head and pushes off of the truck bed. You watch, eyes narrowed, as he walks back to his own car, opens up the trunk and- pulls out a blanket?
Your hands have sunken down to your lap all by themselves by the time he's standing in front of you again, holding out the blanket.
"For you, Watson", he grins as you slowly, carefully take the blanket from him. You mutter something along the lines of a soft 'Thank you' before you wrap the blanket around your arms.
Tyler Owens is the most annoying man you've ever met. But he's also the very definition of "Tough on the outside, soft on the inside". Sometimes, you think the word 'angelic' works for more than just his divine looks.
Your eyes are glued to him as he sits back down next to you and looks out at the darkening sky with that signature grin on his lips, like he knows that you're watching him and enjoys it more than he should. That doesn't deter you though. For the very first time. You don't even stop staring when he turns his head back to you. You don't even stop staring then.
You just look at him until his grin crumbles. Until he's smiling that smile from yesterday night, the one that has your heart squeezing together and then exploding in your chest. You think you could stare at that smile for the rest of eternity and never feel sated.
"What?", he asks, his voice so soft it makes you swallow. Your lips part, but there's no words on your tongue, none in your throat. They're stuck in your chest somewhere, wrapped around your heart so tightly that you can't let them go even now. So you just press your lips together, wrap your blanket tighter around yourself and say:
"So I'm Watson, yeah?"
Your podcast is long forgotten by the time the sky turns dark. So dark that you make Tyler climb into your car and turn on the lights. You're comfortable in your blanket, you don't feel the need to move.
It's around ten when the blanket isn't enough anymore.
You tuck your hands underneath your top, but that only helps for so long. A few minutes later, you're trembling again, trembling even though you're pulling the blanket as tightly around you as you possibly can. Tyler raises his eyebrows when a particularly heavy shiver runs down your spine, one of those that come and go within three seconds.
"Come here", he says, shuffling in his spot and motioning for you to move over to him. You don't really think about it. It's more of a reflex as you fumble the blanket off of your body, scooch over to him, settle yourself against his side and sneak your feet under his thigh. He tugs the blanket back up to your chin, tucks it in behind your back and wraps his arms around you.
Tyler Owens wraps his arms around you.
And he's so fucking warm you literally almost moan. God, you hadn't actually realised just how cold you'd been.
"Damn, you're freezing", he notes as well, just as you nestle further into him and hum in agreement. He's like a living heater right now. You'd like to just crawl inside of him and suck up all his warmth. "You should've told me sooner."
"I didn't tell you at all", you mutter, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath. He smells good. He smells so good. Earthy, musky somehow. You're tempted to turn your head and bury your nose in his shoulder.
Instead, you just satisfy yourself with what you can get. Fuck, he smells so good. He smells just like you'd thought he would, like country and rodeo and thunderstorms. He smells like falling into bed at the end of a successful chase. He smells like more. You want more.
You want more of Tyler Owens.
"Are you sniffing me?", he asks suddenly, but he sounds so amused you can't even bring yourself to feel embarrassed. You just open your eyes and grin at him, tilting your head so you can look up at him.
"What if I am?", you ask, if only to hear that breathless chuckle fall from his lips. Oh, those lips. You're in trouble. "Are you gonna call the cops on me?"
"I could never."
"Yeah, you better not, cowboy", you mutter, eyes dropping to his lips when he grins. He's so close. He's way too close. "There's like thirty things I could call the cops about on your channel."
His grin grows until he's showing off his teeth, glinting against the low light of the leds in your car. He's closer now.
"So you do watch our streams, weather girl."
His voice is so low and he's so close, so close. Your lips part all on their own. You haven't looked back up at his eyes in too long. Far too long. But he's so close, and he's so warm, and he smells so good.
"Alright", you whisper. His mouth is barely an inch from yours. You can feel every breath he takes. "I watch your streams."
And then your lips are on his.
Tyler Owens is the most annoying man you've ever met. He's cocky and he's smug. He makes your job harder than it has to be. He does everything and anything to get under your skin. But Tyler Ownes is the best goddamn kisser this side of the globe.
He trails his hands, his big, big hands, down your sides, pushes the blanket out of the way and grabs at your waist with just enough firmness. He pulls you onto his lap and rests his thumbs over the hem of your top. He breathes into your mouth and takes it slow. He doesn't care that you almost knock his hat out of the way when you try to wrap your arms around his neck. He just holds you tightly to him and lets you tug on his lip.
You honestly don't know how much time has passed when he pulls back, grinning an entirely new grin at you, hazy and euphoric.
"It's not midnight yet", he mutters, the slightest bit out of breath.
"I don't care", you mumble, drawing him right back in for another kiss. You think you might be addicted. You simply can't get enough of him. You can't get enough of Tyler Owens.
But then a thought strikes you, and you pull away with a grin that makes him raise his eyebrows.
You chuckle against his lips.
"If you feel it, chase it, right?"
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